Be Curious #3 - 25 February 2025
The slow evolution begins here.
Hello, friends,
Welcome to Be Curious and thankyou, from deep within me, for being here.
The Recovery starts here
2024 was a very big year for me. I ran for state parliament in Queensland, losing the seat by 2.9%, which is a narrow loss. I was working full time for most of the campaign and after I lost, while taking time off work, I was not rested. This came on top of the grief of losing my sister in 2023. I threw myself, mind body and soul, into the campaign and then it ended.
Suddenly I went from being busy for 24 hours a day and switched on, to absolutel silence and feeling completely abandoned. Life went on for others, but I felt completely stunted. I now know that this is burn out, and I was its poster child.
As in, struggling to function burned out.
I’ve had advice from many people, including professionals, that this could take at least a year to recover from. The other advice?
This will change you.
I’ve been taking steps to find a way through what has felt like a quagmire of emotions, combined with an unimpeachable need to sleep - without ever really feeling rested. This includes resigning my not-for-profit board role, retreating from politics (for now) and releasing myself from all obligations, beyond those of going to work and being present at home.
I have also commenced seeing a psychologist, because I know that I cannot undertake this healing alone.
So what comes next?
This is the exciting part and the scary part, all rolled into one:
I don’t know.
We are moving soon and I am applying for roles but thus far, I’ll be moving without a job to go to. In many ways, this is extraordinarily scary. However, it is also thrilling, because I feel like I can create something for myself, on my own terms, with integrity and authenticity. I have no idea and lots of ideas, and I don’t know if any of them are the right idea just yet, but I am not afraid of that unfolding over time.
What I do know about myself though is I can be impatient. I like to have something to focus on and work towards.
So I took a huge leap yesterday, encouraged by my friend Janine Vangool, founder and publisher of uppercase magazine, and I enrolled in Marie Forleo’s B-School.
Do I want to run my own business? Actually I would like that.
Do I know what kind of business I want to run? Not so much, but I have some ideas and I know what my talents and strengths are.
What if I pay all this money to take a course to realise I don’t want to run a business of my own? That might happen, but I think that’s still a cheaper realisation than starting and failing, with debt in tow.
So, my answer to burn out? It will not win. Not now, not down the track. I am going to take my time. I am going to take care of myself. I am going to learn. I am going to percolate. And I am going to succeed. Whatever success looks like.
Creativity
One thing I am keen to do but cannot force is the rebirth of my creativity. As a Visual Art and Design graduate, internationally best selling author of art books and retreat teacher, to feel so lacking in creativity, in the artistic sense, has been challenging. I think about art a lot. I think about painting and drawing. I think about lettering. I think about stitching and weaving.
I miss it.
However, I also cannot force it, only gently encourage it. I’m doing that very minimally - using coloured pens in my journal as I write. It’s a small start. I am hopeful that with space - both physical and emotional, that spark will ignite in some way. Perhaps writing is how my creativity manifests in the current season - which I am excited for!
Thankyou for reading and for Being Curious with me. I look forward to seeing what curiousities emerge next.
Love,
Burnout or in my case adrenal fatigue is not fun. It took a number of years of being gentle with myself and not pushing to get to a place where I wasn't feeling tired all the time. Sleep became my priority and still is. Nutrition and Naturopathic support also helped. Be gentle with yourself, healing is very not linear.