YOU MADE ME THIS WAY by Shannon Molloy

A memoir from Australian journalist Shannon Molloy

🚨 Trigger warning: this book and review discuss child sexual assault. Please proceed with care.

You Made Me This Way is a new memoir by journalist and author Shannon Molloy. Its focus is on the sexual abuse he suffered as a child, and explores the stories of other young men who experienced such abuse. As such, I advise care and compassion if you choose to read this review or the book itself.

This is a beautifully written book - there is no question that Shannon Molloy is a gifted writer and I also have no doubts about the truth of his story - Shannon was sexually abused as a young child by another young boy. The details are confronting and on many occasions, I had to pause reading and take a moment to absorb the heaviness of what I was reading. This occurred several times, as Shannon told his own story and that of several other men.

One of the threads of this book was Shannon’s continued questions, of himself and others, as to whether what was done to him was “abuse”. I am one hundred percent confident in saying it was, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a degree of empathy for his abuser - also a child and, I imagine, the victim of abuse of some or several kinds himself. Shannon often ponders if the events of his childhood are comparable to that of others, particularly where those stories are especially harrowing and violent. On an intellectual level, Shannon clearly knows that levels of abuse is not a competitive sport, and he knows that his experience as a child is not what made him gay. Yet I sensed often in this book that, although he recognises the absurdity of these thoughts, he hasn’t quite settled in totality in their truth.

I am lucky that I was not a victim of sexual abuse as a child but I assaulted as an 18 year old. However, I am painfully aware of the ramifications of not dealing with child sexual abuse and the intergenerational pain it can inflict, particularly where the victim is not supported therapeutically at the time or in later years. The damage is real. Reading this book helped me clarify, in a way, my thoughts on why some people behave the way they do.

Many victims of this type of abuse, sadly, go on to harm themselves - physically and fatally, or through numbing techniques like alcohol, drugs, sex and other addictive activities. This isn’t just a sexual abuse issue, of course. Victims also often treat people they care about poorly, particularly when they haven’t received the support they should have from those charged with providing it, or if they’ve kept their abuse private through shame and fear of judgment. Shannon is no different - nor am I.

I hope what I say next doesn’t cause offence because that isn’t my intention; to know me is to know I am a pretty direct and honest person and I will address the elephant in a room directly.

Several times, Shannon acknowledges that his coping mechanisms and quick, unhealthy responses to situations (both personal and professional) have left him worse off and that it has caused the loss of respect and friendships. I found that I was asking myself whether Shannon has reflected on some of those unhealthy, at time really poor responses and regrets his behaviour. I imagine the answer is yes. I saw some of this manifest over the years when Shannon was on Twitter and his response to criticism of his work - particularly when he left that platform several years ago after criticism of his emailing the employer of someone he wanted to interview, to complain, after that individual declined his request. (I will point out that Twitter is and has long been a bit of a cesspool and the best place to go if you want to join a mob pile on - leaving it was probably one of the healthiest things Shannon has done.)

I am a big believer that we all make poor choices from time to time and that it is never too late to apologise for those mistakes. Reading Shannon’s book, I am fairly sure that his reaction wasn’t personal against that academic, but was a response to the “rejection” he felt and was likely during a time when he was not coping well with the trauma he has experienced. I really respect Shannon for writing this book and the candour he weaves through it. I don’t know if he has ever apologised to that person but I know I will respect him further if he has, because they deserve it. I think in the years since, Shannon has grown a lot - his recent defence of an Instagram reviewer who was bullied horrifically by a disgruntled author is a great example of why I believe that. Part of growth is making mistakes, owning and apologising for them and doing better in future. I hope Shannon is in that final part- doing better. I can say from personal experience that it is never too late to apologise for times we have acted like a jerk and doing so is a big step in self forgiveness, regardless of whether the recipient of our apology accepts it - that’s their decision.

While a difficult read (due to the nature of the content, rather than the writing, which again is excellent), You Made Me This Way is an important book. There is still a shroud of secrecy around child sexual abuse, particularly that of boys. The recent commissions of inquiry has brought more of it out into the open, but this is still a long way from exposing the truth of the problem in Australia. These things do not just happen in churches or schools - in fact more often than not, they happen in the home, perpetrated by someone known to the child. Difficult to read as it may be, I think this is a book people should read, because if you don’t know, you can’t act. We all have a responsibility to act.

Thankyou Shannon, for your courage to write this book. I hope its success has brought you a new layer of peace in your life.