FRIENDS, LOVERS AND THE BIG TERRIBLE THING by Matthew Perry

A surprisingly lovely memoir of the late star of Friends.

I write this review with a big tinge of sadness: it is now a month since the untimely death of Matthew Perry, star of the TV show Friends and the author of the memoir Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing. His book was one which I’d seen and often thought “oh I’ll read that one day”. Then, Matthew died, and I wasn’t sure if listening to him narrate would be ghoulish. However, listen to this memoir I did, and it was oddly reassuring, though deeply sad, knowing that he is no longer among us on earth.

I’m going to admit that I am not a Friends devotee - I’ve seen probably twenty episodes and while it is sometimes funny, it wasn’t event TV for me. When I did watch, though, it was Chandler who I liked best - sarcasm is a language I enjoy on TV. For me, my respect for Perry came from his Emmy-nominated episiodes of The West Wing as Republican lawyer Joe Quincey, who comes to the White House to work for President Bartlett, despite his personal politics. Perry’s role was excellent and it was clear to me that he had serious talent as a dramatic actor and I was always sorry that he didn’t do more of it. Listening to his story, it turns out Perry is sorry about it too, recognising he had a gift.

Perry’s battles with drugs and alcohol over the course of his life, and the destruction it wrecked on his body and his career, is well known. There’s little doubt that, although he professed sobriety in the year or two before his death, that addiction killed him. We don’t know specifics yet, but whether it was a relapse, his heart giving out or something else - Matthew Perry’s death will be the result of his drug and alcohol addition ravaging his body. That he was sober at the end is just part of the tragedy of his death.

Despite what some other readers have said, I thought Perry was very honest about his addiction and his inability to maintain romantic relationships, and was candid about his own faults in those respects. He doesn’t dwell on them in detail, probably as a mark of respect to the women he left in his wake. He notes he had slept with a lot of women - no surprises there, given his fame and bachelorhood. What I didn’t sense was an arrogance though. Perry knew he was funny and knew he had talent. There’s nothing wrong with him acknowledging that. And sure, he drops some serious names. However, let’s not muck around: Matthew Perry was a big star. Friends was one of the biggest shows in history. He’s not a B-lister trying to up his credibility. His success was as big as anyone in TV and his death is truly sad.

I enjoyed listening to this memoir. I liked that Perry speaks of most people with kindness and love and respect. In the wake of his passing, that must be nice for his friends and family to have read or heard. He wasn’t perfect - not close - and in many ways making it to 54 years old was probably a miracle in itself. However I am pleased Perry wrote this before he passed, as it allows his story to be told through his own eyes, rather than through tabloid press, rumours and fandom.

Rest in peace, Matthew. You couldn’t BE more missed.