DON'T LOOK AWAY by Danielle Laidley

Don’t Look Away is the memoir of ex-AFL football player and coach Danielle Laidley. I have had it on the shelf a couple of months to read, but have put it off because I thought, wrongly, that I knew the substantive story. Turns out, I had no idea…

Danielle is a transgender woman who has lived with gender dysphoria for her entire life, including when she played football for West Coast and North Melbourne Football Clubs, then coaching North Melbourne (as well as some other clubs as an assistant). Danielle was known as a tough as nails footy player - honestly one of the toughest I have seen. The irony of that reputation was that Danielle would have to run around in the shower to get wet - she was not built for a body crunching contact sport. Yet she was tough.

I grew up in Melbourne and I remember in the later 1990s rumours that there was a footballer who was a cross dresser, and I had heard the name of the player. I don’t think I gave it a lot of thought - I probably assumed it was a rumour. Turns out, the truth was far more complex than that. Danielle - still publicly facing as a male - was, in fact, struggling internally with her conflicting feelings about who she really was.

This memoir is one of the most compelling I have ever read, and that was unexpected - sports memoirs are not usually so genuinely enlightening. At various moments I was in a flood of tears, feeling deeply the pain Danielle conveys as she comes to terms with her identity. Slightly embarrassingly, at one stage I laughed so spontaneously and loudly, I snorted - which wouldn’t be a problem had I not been on the train to work! There are many funny moments in this book, but the overall feeling I had was the sense that this woman has overcome so much - in many ways it is incredible she is alive. I think most Australians can at least understand that challenge, knowing how pervasive the footy culture is in Australia - whether it is AFL, NRL or other sports. Men, in particular, are still reticent to come out even as gay in that space, much less as transgender. The bravery Danielle has shown by doing so, and then sharing that story…it was mind blowing.

This is a book I truly think everyone should read - whether you are unsure or confused by what it means to be transgender, an ally, a community member or whoever - there is something in this book that will absolutely penetrate your soul. Don’t miss it.

And, if you ever read this Danielle, may I say how utterly humbled I am by the courage you have shown to survive as long as you have. I am so glad you were able to come through it, and find your true self and Donna. May the next 55 years of life be full of every joy you’re deserving of.